Smiles (≧∇≦)

posted : Friday, June 5, 2015

title : Unfair

Do YOU actually feel like it's unfair sometimes ?
Do YOU feel like sometimes , you lose motivation because no matter what you do , it doesn't matters. Nothing changes , nothing actually happens.

I , personally feel that way all the time. I just don't show it out , it doesn't mean that I don't care. Since young , I have always been a victim. I AM in fact a victim in this sense because of people judging me because of how I look. Now , I don't have any disabilities or so - however , I seem to give off a very untamed or somewhat rebellious look.

What's more , I actually have a very bad relationship with other people. I don't have what you would call , people skills ? I'm not very sure either but anyway I'm always being misjudged or misunderstood. Even if I do speak up , or not. Most of the time , I just speak up because I don't care about how they'd judge me anymore - they already did. Other times , I just give up entirely. It's tiring to always think about how people see you.

Ironically , I am also always around people who happen to be the exact opposite of me , which are people who are not as 'angelic' as they seem. Now , I'm not saying that I'm actually angelic , all I'm saying is that - you know what , people ? I'm not as horrible as you think I am. But , does it matter even if they find out ? NOPE ! It never matters , because I'm never important - no one bothers to actually relabel me. They'd probably just label me as ' another random person '. Not a friend , not a buddy , not even an acquaintance , nothing. We could've been spending years together and I'm nothing. I'd even remember when we were in the same society or class.

Sometimes they'd think I'm oblivious to what's going on , but the truth is - I'm not. Hell , they know I'm not. They just like to picture it so. They're just not bothered by my presence honestly. I don't mind though , I wouldn't be bothered by my own presence. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It still does. I don't speak about it to others , I don't say it out loud ( mind you , I do mumble it to myself ) , but it hurts.

It makes me lose my motivation to continue on. I don't know how it's so easy to all of you , or maybe it's just because none of you have experienced this. It's tiring...

✰LUU

3:27 AM