Smiles (≧∇≦)

posted : Friday, September 15, 2017

title : Lonely.

So today's post is about being lonely. Oftentimes I tell people around me that I'm always ALONE, and not LONELY. Somehow I've been feeling very lonely, anxious and unsettled recently which is why I'm writing this post.

Let me make it clear that it's not that I don't enjoy company, it's just that I don't have a lot of friends to begin with and when it comes down to it, I don't have a lot of people who I can rely on - but that's not the reason why I don't socialize with them much, I was just never a 'first choice' kinda person you know ? When they have to go out of their way to somewhat insincerely ask me to join, I feel bad and if I put myself out there and just cling onto them I feel like I'm not exactly welcomed and they're just letting me join because it's awkward and uncomfortable to reject me straight up. I'm sure some of you out there gets me. We in this together fam.

The truth is, these few months have been a mess. I have been going through some unexpected issues but they're mostly resolved now, except for the fact that some things that happened few months ago has caused me to suffer the consequences now but I'll take it as a lesson and move on. Learn from experience and never dwell on the past. That's important kids.

Going back to the purpose of my post, I just want to put it out there and tell all of you (including myself) that it's sometimes okay to feel lonely but make sure you're not constantly feeling extremely lonely. Sometimes it's hard to grasp what caused you to feel lonely, to be honest I'm writing this right now because I'm feeling hella lonely and I don't know how else to handle it than writing (ranting) it out and trying to calm myself.

The thing about feeling lonely is, most people think that it's just 'oh , you're alone ? you must be lonely.' NO, the thing is, I've never thought that way - very rarely I really DO feel lonely. I'm that kind of person that could hang out with you for a long day, and stay at home for 2 days straight after that without feeling the need to leave home. I enjoy being alone and doing stuff I like/want ( but let's be honest mostly it's just procrastinating ).

Did you know it's even possible to feel lonely when you're in a crowd ? I've just been feeling kinda off especially this week. I do feel lonely, rather than feeling depressed, or very upset - I'm more of feeling really empty and anxious , like something bad has to happen or is supposed to happen and is not happening yet. It's confusing me, especially when I have an exam (again) in a month's time and I can't concentrate AT ALL.

I guess I really do have to try to climb back up and not let it get to me too much. Gonna learn to accept changes as life goes by.
Cheers ! :)

✰LUU

8:45 PM